{"id":422,"date":"2016-10-08T19:34:05","date_gmt":"2016-10-08T23:34:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/abfifer.com\/blog\/?p=422"},"modified":"2021-04-19T16:01:06","modified_gmt":"2021-04-19T20:01:06","slug":"apology-101-find-a-period","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/abfifer.com\/blog\/2016\/10\/apology-101-find-a-period\/","title":{"rendered":"Apology 101: Find a Period"},"content":{"rendered":"

A basic tenet in constructing an effective apology is not to say too much. As author Darrel Puls <\/a>says, \u201cBy limiting the scope of the apology, we enhance the probability of success.\u201d In my own experience, it means quickly finding a period, and stopping. Finish the sentence, and wait for the response. Only after the listener says something like, \u201cWhat on earth were you thinking?\u201d am I free to offer my explanation; if I include that in my initial statement, the listener hears not an explanation, but an excuse.<\/p>\n

We were treated to a fine example of this today with Donald Trump\u2019s video \u201capology\u201d <\/a>in connection with his comments ten years ago about pursuing and assaulting women. To his credit, Mr. Trump recognized that an apology would be an appropriate response here. And, after a false start initially (“If anyone is offended, I apologize”),\u00a0his videotaped statement started out fairly well, with some essential elements of a good apology, such as taking responsibility (\u201cI said it; I was wrong\u201d) and stating, \u201cI apologize.\u201d Had he stopped there, we might have entertained the possibility that he was sincere — especially given that, by all accounts, Mr. Trump is not accustomed to apologizing. But going on to change the subject to Bill and Hillary Clinton\u2019s shortcomings made clear he was not. If you want to construct an effective apology, blaming others is a basic \u201cno-no\u201d \u2013\u00a0a surefire way to undermine the effectiveness of an apology. He didn\u2019t find the period soon enough.<\/p>\n

A couple other elements of a good apology were missing. One is the intent to avoid the bad behavior in the future. Peacemaker Ministries in its \u201c7 A\u2019s of Confession\u201d<\/a> calls this, \u201cAlter behavior.\u201d Mr. Trump did not describe how he will avoid this behavior from now on. He \u201cpledge[d] to be a better man tomorrow\u201d but offered no specifics to suggest how that might happen. Another of the \u201c7 A\u2019s\u201d is to \u201cAdmit specifically.\u201d Mr. Trump is trying to apologize for his words; but people who listen to the 2005 tape are likely to be as alarmed about his actions as about his descriptions of them afterwards.<\/p>\n

Mr. Trump may indeed be sorry for his actions in the past, but by skipping some basic principles of an effective apology, it doesn\u2019t sound like it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A basic tenet in constructing an effective apology is not to say too much. As author Darrel Puls says, \u201cBy limiting the scope of the apology, we enhance the probability of success.\u201d In my own experience, it means quickly finding a period, and stopping. Finish the sentence, and wait for the response. Only after the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-422","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-apologies"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/abfifer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/422","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/abfifer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/abfifer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/abfifer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/abfifer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=422"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/abfifer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/422\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":428,"href":"https:\/\/abfifer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/422\/revisions\/428"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/abfifer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=422"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/abfifer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=422"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/abfifer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=422"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}