It\u2019s helpful to explore the appropriate time to use the word \u201csorry.\u201d In general, we don\u2019t use it enough, in the sense that we are typically too slow to acknowledge responsibility for the harms we cause others.<\/p>\n
But \u201csorry\u201d can be mis-used, and over-used. I blogged about this in December, citing an article<\/a> noting that people use the word \u201csorry\u201d when they really mean something else. Last month, Maya Janovic gave a TED Talk, entitled \u201cHow Apologies Kill Our Confidence<\/a>,\u201d suggesting that over-use of \u201csorry\u201d indicates \u2013 and broadcasts — lack of confidence. She has noticed this tendency especially among women. For example, women tend to begin comments in committee meetings with \u201csorry,\u201d as in, \u201cSorry, this may sound silly, but I was wondering\u2026\u201d or, \u201cSorry, is this a good time to ask a question?\u201d<\/p>\n She recommends that women stop saying \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d I don\u2019t think she actually means ceasing it altogether, but that\u2019s what she said. I think she\u2019s really advocating for women to pay more attention to when they use \u201csorry,\u201d and either omit it sometimes, or substitute a more accurate phrase, like, \u201cpardon me\u201d or \u201cexcuse me,\u201c that doesn\u2019t carry the weight of an apology.<\/p>\n She describes how, when a male colleague arrived late for a work meeting, instead of apologizing, he said simply, \u201cThanks for waiting.\u201d She finds this more refreshing than what a woman would typically do \u2013 apologize, offer explanations, and basically humiliate herself. I\u2019m not persuaded. If I were one of the meeting attendees who knocked myself out to arrive on time, the male colleague\u2019s thank-you wouldn\u2019t quite fill the gap for me. In situations like this where a person really is at fault, an apology is in order.<\/p>\n The title of her talk is exaggerated. She\u2019s not really talking about apologies, she\u2019s just talking about the word \u201csorry.\u201d Starting a comment with \u201cSorry\u201d may not even be an apology, and an honest, well-placed apology will not kill confidence. But I think she\u2019s onto something: mis-using and over-using \u201csorry\u201d cheapens it. If we say \u201csorry\u201d when something isn\u2019t even our fault \u2013 as when someone bumps into us \u2013 then, when we really do need to apologize, that word won\u2019t have as much heft.<\/p>\n It\u2019s worth paying attention to when we say \u201csorry\u201d needlessly. But that doesn\u2019t relieve us of the responsibility to say we\u2019re sorry when we mess up.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" It\u2019s helpful to explore the appropriate time to use the word \u201csorry.\u201d In general, we don\u2019t use it enough, in the sense that we are typically too slow to acknowledge responsibility for the harms we cause others. But \u201csorry\u201d can be mis-used, and over-used. I blogged about this in December, citing an article noting that […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-679","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-apologies"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/abfifer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/679","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/abfifer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/abfifer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/abfifer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/abfifer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=679"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/abfifer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/679\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":680,"href":"https:\/\/abfifer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/679\/revisions\/680"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/abfifer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=679"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/abfifer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=679"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/abfifer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=679"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}