{"id":792,"date":"2020-06-25T17:22:23","date_gmt":"2020-06-25T21:22:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/abfifer.com\/blog\/?p=792"},"modified":"2021-04-19T16:01:04","modified_gmt":"2021-04-19T20:01:04","slug":"begin-mediation-with-an-apology","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/abfifer.com\/blog\/2020\/06\/begin-mediation-with-an-apology\/","title":{"rendered":"“Begin Mediation With an Apology”"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cBegin mediation with an apology.\u201d This is common advice in Christian mediation, but it\u2019s surprising to hear it from a lawyer who does employment and commercial mediation. Eric Meyer is both a mediator and an advocate in mediations, and he wrote an article on eleven practical tips<\/a>, especially for attorneys who represent parties in mediation, to help make remote mediations successful. In fact, many of his tips apply to both in-person as well as on-line mediations, such as thinking strategically about the timing of the mediation in the life of the case, and determining whether the case needs a facilitative or an evaluative mediator.<\/p>\n

I especially appreciate his terse advice regarding written mediation summaries prepared by each advocate ahead of the mediation: \u201cad hominem attacks, legalese and passive voice\u201d do not add value.<\/p>\n

But I\u2019m most intrigued by his advice to begin the mediation with an apology. He seems to think this is especially helpful in online mediation, because \u201cthere is always a place for compassion at remote mediation.\u201d Mediators have complained about the difficulty of expressing and interpreting compassion in online mediations, and this is one way to address it directly. But it’s worth considering in all mediations.<\/p>\n

He recommends that both plaintiff and defendant begin with an apology. This is right out of the Christian mediation playbook. Indeed, the preparation for Christian mediation (often referred to as \u201cconflict coaching\u201d) includes encouraging each party to examine their own contribution to the conflict, in accordance with Jesus\u2019 teaching to \u201cget the log out of your own eye\u201d first, before going after the \u201cspeck\u201d in your neighbor\u2019s eye (Matthew 7:5). When each side is willing to acknowledge, confess or apologize to the other, Christian mediators know the parties are ready to meet face-to-face.<\/p>\n

Mr. Meyer\u2019s recommendation isn\u2019t based on obedience to biblical commands, but rather on strategy. As he notes, the other side will be caught off guard \u2013 \u201cbut in a good way.\u201d In our mediation trainings, we demonstrate mediation of a wrongful death case where the defendant\u2019s opening includes an \u201cI\u2019m sorry\u201d to the plaintiff widow; the audience is stunned. Most admit they\u2019ve never seen that happen in actual cases, while acknowledging how powerful it is. Opening with an apology can go a long way towards negotiating a good resolution.<\/p>\n

But it\u2019s also risky. I recall a mediation where the defendant apologized in his opening; it backfired. Not only did it not display the \u201ccompassion\u201d that Mr. Meyer seeks, it hardened the plaintiff, who perceived it as insincere and self-serving. Had the defendant alerted me before the joint session, I may have been able to help him prepare a more effective apology (because this was not a Christian mediation, we had not discussed it). But maybe not.<\/p>\n

Mr. Meyer urges, \u201cSay \u2018I\u2019m sorry\u2019 for something \u2013 literally anything!\u201d I applaud his recognition of the power of apology, and of the value in talking about non-monetary options, but I wouldn\u2019t advise treating the apology so glibly. He also suggests \u201csaving face\u201d by having the mediator deliver the apology. Again, this should be considered thoughtfully, as it too is risky (\u201cShe didn\u2019t have the guts to tell me herself?\u201d).<\/p>\n

Nevertheless, it\u2019s refreshing to see a litigator appreciate the value of apology, and his advice could get some parties in the right mindset. Even considering apologizing forces a party to get a bit humble, and to look at the other guy as something less than pure evil\u2014and that mindset in itself can promote a mediated resolution.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cBegin mediation with an apology.\u201d This is common advice in Christian mediation, but it\u2019s surprising to hear it from a lawyer who does employment and commercial mediation. Eric Meyer is both a mediator and an advocate in mediations, and he wrote an article on eleven practical tips, especially for attorneys who represent parties in mediation, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-792","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-apologies"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/abfifer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/792","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/abfifer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/abfifer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/abfifer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/abfifer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=792"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/abfifer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/792\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":794,"href":"https:\/\/abfifer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/792\/revisions\/794"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/abfifer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=792"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/abfifer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=792"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/abfifer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=792"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}