Many experts recommend that we employ \u201cthe 4 R\u2019s\u201d when making an apology, to ensure that it\u2019s a good apology.<\/p>\n
But there\u2019s not complete agreement on which four R\u2019s we need.<\/p>\n
Professor Carrie Petrucci recommended the following four R\u2019s in her 2002 article on apologies, citing other apology scholars:<\/p>\n
(i) an expression of remorse<\/strong> or regret<\/strong>, such as \u201cI’m sorry\u201d;<\/p>\n (ii) an overt acceptance of responsibility<\/strong> for the harmful act;<\/p>\n (iii) some type of offer of compensation, repair,<\/strong> or restitution<\/strong>; and<\/p>\n (iv) a promise to refrain<\/strong> from such behavior in the future.<\/p>\n \u201cApology in the Criminal Justice Setting: Evidence for Including Apology as an Additional Component in the Legal System,\u201d 20 Behav. Sci. & L. 337, 340-41 (2002)<\/p>\n In their book, Five Languages of Apology<\/em>, Dr. Gary Chapman & Jennifer Thomas list the elements of a good apology as: \u00a0Expressing regret; Accepting responsibility; Making restitution; Genuinely repenting; Requesting forgiveness. So, very similar to Prof. Petrucci\u2019s elements, except that the last one is \u201crepent\u201d instead of \u201crefrain.\u201d And they add a fifth element, requesting forgiveness.<\/p>\n Drawing on the bounty of words in English that start with \u201cre-\u201c, I tweaked the fourth one. Here\u2019s the version of \u201cthe 4 R\u2019s\u201d that I offered in a recent international talk (with acknowledgements to Prof. Petrucci and Dr. Chapman):<\/p>\n Remorse is, “I’m sorry.” Regret is, “I wish I hadn’t done that.”<\/p>\n Responsibility is, “I goofed.”<\/p>\n Restitution is making the victim whole, paying back what was taken. Repair is fixing what was broken.<\/p>\n “Reform behavior” is, “Here’s what I’ll do to make sure this doesn’t happen again.”<\/p>\n\n