Michigan State Police Chief Apologizes for Facebook Meme

The head of the Michigan State Police, Kriste Kibbe Etue, posted a meme on Facebook over the weekend, criticizing NFL players who protested at the start of football games. She called them “degenerates” and accused them of hating America “and disrespect[ing] our armed forces.”

According to media reports, the meme was widely shared, although she allegedly posted it so only her friends could see it. It aligned with recent tweets by President Trump regarding NFL players.

Late Tuesday evening, Col. Kibbe Etue apologized for the post:

“It was a mistake to share this message on Facebook, and I sincerely apologize to anyone who was offended. I will continue my focus on unity at the Michigan State police, and in communities across Michigan.”

As apologies go, this one is weak. An apology to “anyone who was offended” shifts the blame to the audience. It implies that the speaker spoke truth, and that it’s the listener’s fault if the listener takes offense.

Also, the use of “anyone” implies that she doesn’t know whether there was actually anyone who was offended, and yet the Detroit Free Press reported several groups who expressed dismay at the post, which is probably what prompted the apology in the first place. Apologizing to “those who were offended” would be more honest, as she knew that she had offended plenty of people.

With apologies, less is often more. The planned apology (as opposed to an extemporaneous one) should be scrutinized for extra language that distracts from the apology. In this case, the second sentence is strange and should’ve been re-worded or omitted altogether. As a Michigan citizen, “unity” isn’t really what I want the State Police to focus on; I want them to focus on law enforcement. But if she wants to focus on unity within the State Police force, then she should not have posted something on Facebook guaranteed to divide. Does she mean that she’ll go back to focusing on unity? If she’s truly sorry for dividing her troops along racial lines, realizing that’s the result of her post, then why doesn’t she say so?

If she were truly sorry, she might have issued an apology like this:

It was foolish of me to post personal opinions on social media. I realize now that my comments were divisive and caused pain to many. I truly regret what I did. One of my goals has been to unify our wonderful state police force, and I did just the opposite. I intend to make up for my poor judgment by refraining from social media comments in the future. I hope you will forgive me.

Employees Terminated: Could there have been a better outcome?

Two lively young women work as aides in a nursing home. One evening, as they are preparing a resident for bed, they start goofing around, and one of them takes a video of the other, with the bewildered resident in the background. Then, as young people so often do, they post the video on Instagram. A viewer alerts the nursing home. Now what should happen to these employees?

The correct legal response is, termination. Although the resident was not physically harmed, and this was not malicious, it was a clear violation of HIPAA, and the employees knew this very well. They don’t deserve to continue to work at this facility, and residents are safer without them.

But then what happens? The young women apply to work at another facility, disguising the fact of, or at least the reason for, their previous termination. They speak ill of their former employer to anyone who will listen, because they’re bitter about being fired for what they consider to be a minor offense. Meanwhile, the facility hires new workers, who may be tempted to make the same mistake as their predecessors.

Could there be a better outcome?

What if the employer slowed down the response? What if the employees were suspended, instead of terminated, while everyone figured out next steps? What if the young women, when confronted with the enormity of their actions, were asked what they thought would be an appropriate response? What if the resident and family were consulted on what response they’d like to see—and could express their pain to the offenders if the employees still thought it was “no big deal”? What if this incident were viewed as an opportunity for education as well as punishment?

If one goal is to impress on these young people the dangers of social media, job loss makes a big impression. But there are other ways to make that impression: what if they had to acknowledge publicly what they did? Another goal is to remind all staff that HIPAA violations are taken seriously; firing an employee is one way to do that, but there are other ways: what if the offending employees had to give a workshop on the stupidity of posting videos of residents, especially ones who could not consent? Might that be more powerful than hearing it from supervisors? Might it make a stronger impression on the offending employees?

What if the offenders were encouraged to consider whether they were remorseful enough to apologize to the resident and family, as well as to staff, and maybe even other residents? That too could make a powerful impression on the offenders, while allowing the incident to be acknowledged instead of hushed up. And it would allow some relational closure, with the residents and with other staff, that immediate termination prevents.

Termination is always an option; but what if it were the secondary option instead of the first?

My relative was the resident in the video. The employees were fired immediately. But I’m left to wonder: could there have been a better outcome?

Pastor as Mediator

Pastor Lester L. Adams posted a good article on mediate.com, “The Minister, Mediation and the Protective Order,” advising pastors how to deal with a domestic violence case involving a couple in the church. His article includes both what to do (stop the meddling, cut off the gossip) as well as what not to do (don’t take sides, don’t give legal advice even if you’re qualified to give it). Especially helpful is the advice, as the title indicates, regarding response to a protective order, and how to ensure that both spouses continue to attend church services while honouring the order. Pastor Adams rightly emphasizes tending to the spiritual health of both parties, including the need for repentance and possibly discipline, all with the goal of restoring the relationship.

Pastor Adams is himself a mediator so it makes sense that he would attempt to mediate a marital dispute involving a couple in his church. (I have not had the pleasure of making the acquaintance of Pastor Adams; I discovered this article on mediate.com.) In my experience, many pastors are neither called nor qualified to serve as the actual mediator, and will be more helpful serving as a spiritual advisor and counselor while someone else serves as the mediator. So I would footnote his assumption that the pastor will serve as mediator, to suggest that the pastor should carefully discern what role to play in the process, and not attempt mediation without some training.

But his overall message is important. Many pastors have no idea how to respond to domestic violence allegations within their flock; this article offers a thoughtful, biblical approach that could be helpful to many church leaders.

 

Actor’s Apology: “A New Low”

Actor Shia LaBeouf issued an apology this week for his disrespectful behavior towards police officers who arrested him last weekend. He was arrested in Savannah, Georgia, last Saturday, and charged with disorderly conduct and public drunkenness. The police body-camera video of his behavior during the arrest was released and posted on CNN, showing him hurling epithets at the officers and resisting their attempts to subdue him. I broke down the tweeted apology to add some comments:

“I am deeply ashamed of my behavior and make no excuses for it.” This is a good start. We hold our breath to see whether the offender will indeed refrain from making excuses as the apology unfolds.

“I don’t know if these statements are too frequent, or not shared enough…” I have no idea what he’s talking about here; this would’ve been better omitted.

“… but I am certain my actions warrant a very sincere apology to the arresting officers, and I am grateful for their restraint. The severity of my behavior is not lost on me.” An essential element of a sincere apology is to be specific about the offensive behavior. It’s not clear here that the offender knows specifically what he did, but at least he knows it was bad. Acknowledging the other party’s restraint in the face of the offender’s offense is admirable. It would’ve been even better had he acknowledged the impact on those officers.

“My outright disrespect for authority is problematic to say the least, and completely destructive to say the worst. It is a new low. A low I hope is a bottom.” Acknowledging the severity of the behavior, and the impact on others generally, is good.

“I have been struggling with addiction publicly for far too long, and I am actively taking steps towards securing my sobriety.” Victims want to hear how the offender plans to avoid the offensive behavior in the future; if he’s really sorry, he’ll be specific about behaving differently from now on, is their thinking. While mentioning addiction can sometimes sound like an excuse, here it sounds more like an admission of the problem. But, given Mr. LaBeouf’s history on this issue, it may lack the credibility necessary for an effective apology.

“… and I hope I can be forgiven for my mistakes.” The last element of a good apology, according to Peacemaker Ministries’ “7 A’s of Confession”, is to ask for forgiveness.

This apology has some nice turns of phrase (“the severity of my behavior is not lost on me”; “a low I hope is a bottom”) and does not try to minimize the misconduct.

So, scoring according to the “7 A’s of Confession,” giving 2 points maximum for each element for a possible total of 14 points:

  1. Address everyone involved – 2 pts
  2. Avoid “if,” “but,” “maybe” – 2 pts
  3. Admit specifically – 1 pt
  4. Acknowledge the hurt – 1 pt
  5. Alter behavior – 1 pt
  6. Accept consequences – 1 pt
  7. Ask for forgiveness – 2 pts

Total: 10 out of 14. Pretty good apology!

New Congressman Apologizes for Assault

Greg Gianforte won a special election yesterday for Congressman from Montana. His acceptance speech last night included an apology for assaulting a reporter the day before.

“When you make a mistake, you have to own up to it. That’s the Montana way. Last night, I made a mistake and I took an action that I can’t take back, and I’m not proud of what happened. I should not have responded in the way that I did, and for that I am sorry. I should not have treated that reporter that way, and for that I am sorry, Mr. Ben Jacobs. That’s not the person I am, and that’s not the way I’ll lead this state. Rest assured, our work is just beginning, but it does begin with me taking responsibility for my own actions.”

Jacobs allegedly questioned Gianforte Wednesday about his position on health care, and Gianforte responded angrily; the two got into a scuffle, during which Jacobs’ glasses were broken. The Gallatin County sheriff issued a warrant to Gianforte on a charge of misdemeanor assault, for which he’ll answer next week. Gianforte’s campaign office originally blamed Jacobs for the incident, but last night, Gianforte took responsibility. Both House Speaker Paul Ryan and Reporter Ben Jacobs had said publicly that an apology would be appropriate.

The apology itself is not bad. He calls it a “mistake” and says he’s “not proud” of it. He says he’s sorry, and names the reporter he harmed. He sounds contrite. He doesn’t specify exactly what his mistake was but, with criminal charges pending, perhaps he was advised by counsel not to admit guilt. A good apology offers plans for avoiding similar offenses in the future, and this one has none of that. (His “rest assured” offers no assurance for rest.)

What undermines this apology is the timing. He waited until after he’d won the election. Would he have apologized had he lost? We would have admired him more had he apologized immediately, willing to accept the consequence of losing the election. But it takes courage to apologize publicly, perhaps even moreso in the midst of an otherwise happy event. He will not regret it.