December 14, 2016 – 9:36 am
The Christian Lawyers Fellowship of Nigeria (“CLASFON”), the oldest and largest Christian lawyers association in Africa, is leading the way in bringing mediation to Nigeria.
Two years ago, CLASFON invited Iowa attorney and Christian conciliator Laurie Stewart to teach a five-day course on inter-personal biblical peacemaking to over one hundred CLASFON lawyers in Nigeria. These lawyers and judges developed a vision for “Christian ADR” and asked Laurie to come back and provide training in Christian conflict intervention. She assembled a team of Certified Christian Conciliators to teach these courses through the Institute for Christian Conciliation, and I was honored to be part of this team. Over five days earlier this month, we were in Nigeria to teach the basic peacemaker seminar, two days of biblical conflict coaching, and two days of Christian mediation to about sixty lawyers, judges and pastors from all over Nigeria.
On the theory that peacemakers cannot bring peace to others until they have it themselves, we asked participants to come to the training prepared to be coached on a personal conflict. After a day of learning conflict coaching skills, participants paired up and “coached” each other through a personal conflict. Stories abounded of how God moved in participants’ hearts: one man said he was preparing to divorce his wife because she fought with his mother, but now he saw that he needed to reconcile with his wife; a woman was able to forgive a teacher who was mean to her young daughter; a pastor said he needed to forgive a woman in his congregation who had snubbed him, and he planned to stop at her house on his way home from the training to reconcile with her. Two people said they were convinced they were totally innocent in their respective conflicts, until their “coaches” helped them see their contributions to them – in light of Jesus’ teaching that we must first get the log out of our own eye before going after the speck in our neighbor’s eye.
Mediation isn’t used much in Nigeria’s legal system, so it’s exciting to me that, as a result of this training, it is being introduced as a “wholistic” process that addresses emotional, relational and spiritual issues in addition to legal and material issues. Lawyers were rightly skeptical about how a mediator could ever be truly neutral, and why the second party would agree to a mediator recommended by the first party. They also questioned how their ethics rules pertain when lawyers sit as mediators. We assured them that the American bar also wrestles with these issues, and that they will figure this all out. We understand that there are CLASFON chapters in three major Nigerian cities eager to set up Christian mediation centers in their communities. These lawyers have an opportunity to impact the legal system, the church, and their culture.
October 13, 2016 – 2:39 pm
A colleague recently did a business mediation here in Michigan where he discovered after the fact that both parties were carrying concealed weapons. As this becomes more commonplace in the U.S., it behooves us as mediators to do what we can to ensure party safety in mediation.
One way to ensure that no one brings a gun to a mediation is to conduct all mediations in the courthouse. But, given courts’ locations, limited space and hours of operation, this may not be practical or convenient. And guns and other weapons are just one component of safety concerns in mediation.
Michigan’s Mediator Standards of Conduct encourage mediators to screen for the presence of any impediment that would make mediation unsafe, including separate meetings with each party prior to a joint session. (Standard VI.A.1.) Our State Court Administrative Office has developed a pre-mediation screening protocol for use in domestic relations mediations, to assist mediators in eliciting any factors that would cause the mediator to take precautions such as avoiding joint session, or to avoid mediation altogether. While pre-mediation screening is required in domestic relations cases (MCL 600.1035), it is prudent in all cases. We tend to think that violence is more likely in domestic mediations, but the worst case involving guns and mediation was a triple homicide that occurred after a business mediation. One party left the building, went to his car to retrieve his gun, and returned just in time to gun down the other party and his lawyer as they were exiting the building; the gunman later killed himself. Another murder happened after a probate mediation. Screening for weapons needs to be augmented by other safety measures, and needs to be considered in every case.
Professor Kristen Blankley, at University of Nebraska’s College of Law, has written a practical summary of steps mediators can take, prior to and during the mediation, to try to protect both parties and the mediator. They include everything from knowing where the exits are to arranging for co-mediation. Her recommendations will benefit every mediator who reads them.
Screening and other safety steps, while not perfect, can help participants stay safe as they work out resolutions to their conflicts in mediation.
October 8, 2016 – 7:34 pm
A basic tenet in constructing an effective apology is not to say too much. As author Darrel Puls says, “By limiting the scope of the apology, we enhance the probability of success.” In my own experience, it means quickly finding a period, and stopping. Finish the sentence, and wait for the response. Only after the listener says something like, “What on earth were you thinking?” am I free to offer my explanation; if I include that in my initial statement, the listener hears not an explanation, but an excuse.
We were treated to a fine example of this today with Donald Trump’s video “apology” in connection with his comments ten years ago about pursuing and assaulting women. To his credit, Mr. Trump recognized that an apology would be an appropriate response here. And, after a false start initially (“If anyone is offended, I apologize”), his videotaped statement started out fairly well, with some essential elements of a good apology, such as taking responsibility (“I said it; I was wrong”) and stating, “I apologize.” Had he stopped there, we might have entertained the possibility that he was sincere — especially given that, by all accounts, Mr. Trump is not accustomed to apologizing. But going on to change the subject to Bill and Hillary Clinton’s shortcomings made clear he was not. If you want to construct an effective apology, blaming others is a basic “no-no” – a surefire way to undermine the effectiveness of an apology. He didn’t find the period soon enough.
A couple other elements of a good apology were missing. One is the intent to avoid the bad behavior in the future. Peacemaker Ministries in its “7 A’s of Confession” calls this, “Alter behavior.” Mr. Trump did not describe how he will avoid this behavior from now on. He “pledge[d] to be a better man tomorrow” but offered no specifics to suggest how that might happen. Another of the “7 A’s” is to “Admit specifically.” Mr. Trump is trying to apologize for his words; but people who listen to the 2005 tape are likely to be as alarmed about his actions as about his descriptions of them afterwards.
Mr. Trump may indeed be sorry for his actions in the past, but by skipping some basic principles of an effective apology, it doesn’t sound like it.
October 4, 2016 – 11:08 am
As conflict continues in Flint between its city council and its mayor, an unlikely group has stepped in to mediate: concerned pastors. That’s actually the group’s official name: Concerned Pastors for Social Action. They are a group of local pastors who has worked for years “to ensure that the voice of the people is heard loud and clear among those wanting to hold public office.” The Concerned Pastors have been quite active as Flint’s water crisis unfolded, and they continue to be an influence in their city. They held a news conference at Flint’s city hall this week calling for an end to the “bickering” between the mayor and the city council regarding trash service. They complained that the city government was “dysfunctional,” and recommended that City Councilman Scott Kincaid apologize to Mayor Karen Weaver for belittling comments he made about her. Not many cities have pastors united to help the city government work well, to the point of trying to hold individuals accountable for their public actions. It’s risky business, but these pastors believe it’s part of their calling. May God bless their efforts!
September 13, 2016 – 10:51 am
A man who overheard women in the next booth talking pejoratively about members of his race decided to fight back – with kindness. The man, an aboriginal in Australia, had a pot of tea delivered to the ladies’ table, along with a note on the receipt that the tea was “compliments of the two aboriginals sitting at the next table.”
I’m reminded of Jesus’ command to love your enemies, and of Paul’s admonition (Romans 12:17, 21) not to repay evil with evil, but to overcome evil with good. As the young man commented on his Facebook post, “I could’ve unleashed a tirade of abuse, but that wouldn’t have helped.” Instead, he was inspired to be a peacemaker.
Would that we all could do the same!
