Conflict Free Diamonds

February 14, 2014 – 2:35 pm

Many girls—and no doubt some guys–will receive the gift of a diamond today. Will it be a “conflict free diamond”?

“Conflict diamond” is a term used to describe diamonds tainted by the conflicts associated with diamond production in Africa, where diamonds are mined under conditions akin to slavery, and are used to finance violent rebel groups.

So diamond retailers have started offering “conflict free diamonds” to assure consumers that their diamonds have been, as one retailer puts it, “ethically sourced.” In other words, a “conflict free diamond” has been mined, refined, and delivered, free of conflict. Its past is conflict-free.

What about the diamond’s future? Will it be “conflict-free” once it becomes a piece of jewelry worn by a happy wife or delighted daughter? A diamond is treasured, not only because of its value, but because of what it represents: beauty, timelessness, durability, permanence. It’s the perfect symbol of a life-long relationship. Wouldn’t it be neat if “conflict free diamond” represented a conflict-free relationship?

Would that all diamonds were “conflict free”—free of conflict in their production, and free of conflict in the relationships they represent. Happy Valentine’s Day!

By abfifer | Posted in Uncategorized | Comments Off on Conflict Free Diamonds

Guns and Mediation, Again

December 11, 2013 – 10:13 am

It happened again last week: a shooting after a mediation. As a divorcing couple was leaving the attorney-mediator’s office in Manchester, Tennessee, last Wednesday, the wife pulled out a handgun and shot her estranged husband. The husband, Dr. Henry Bartee, is recovering in hospital, and the wife, Brenda Bartee, has been charged with attempted murder.

According to one account, the wife left the law office before the husband, retrieved a gun, and came back and shot him. This version sounds eerily similar to the post-mediation homicides in Phoenix in January, where the plaintiff left the mediation, went to his car to retrieve his gun, and returned to the lobby just as the defendant and his attorney were exiting the building. The plaintiff shot both of them dead, then killed himself.

Could this have been prevented? It’s recommended protocol in domestic cases to screen for domestic violence, and screening might have elicited cause for concern: apparently Mrs. Bartee shot at her husband last year, while they were sitting in his car. She was charged with aggravated domestic violence for that incident. Did the mediator know this history? If so, did the mediator take any precautions?

Mediator Paula Marie Young recommends mediators take these steps:
1. Keep people in separate waiting rooms.
2. Make sure adequate staff is present to handle a situation.
3. Ask people to leave guns with the mediator’s secretary.
4. Get skill in dealing with threats.
5. Get skill in dealing with overt acts of violence.
6. Escort people to their cars after sessions.
7. Create staggered departures.
8. Adequately train yourself and your staff to spot and properly intervene in potentially violent situations.
9. Hold telephone/Skype mediations instead.
(posted at http://www.abajournal.com/mobile/comments/woman_charged)

I might add: consider holding the mediation in a facility with a metal detector, such as a courthouse. That will at least prevent the shooting from occurring within the building, as happened in Boca Raton in 2002, where a brother shot and killed his sister during a probate mediation.

Unfortunately, as more people are permitted to carry concealed weapons, there are likely to be more shootings in connection with mediations. Mediators cannot prevent this, but we can sure try.

By abfifer | Posted in Learnings from Mediation | Comments Off on Guns and Mediation, Again

Christians Take Another Dispute to Court

November 8, 2013 – 9:56 am

Josh Eckel and Tyler Mileger, Christian founders of a small clothing company based in Dallas, Texas, called “Play Hard Pray Harder”, filed a lawsuit against Josh Hamilton, also a professing Christian, after discovering that Hamilton had been promoting the same “Play Hard Pray Harder” slogan on clothing sold by Scripture Art, a company that Hamilton co-founded with his wife. Hamilton is a major league baseball player now with the Los Angeles Angels, formerly with the Texas Rangers.

At least the parties were able to settle short of a trial. Media reports gave Hamilton the credit for the settlement. He cited the admonition in Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount that, “if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well” (Matthew 5:40). But the Texas company’s lawyer told the Associated Press that his clients “were extremely disappointed that the issue had to be extensively litigated for Hamilton to do the right thing.”

Did either side try to resolve this within the church, rather than in the civil courts? Paul admonishes Christians not to sue, but to find wise people within the church to settle their disputes (I Corinthians 6:1-8). Peacemaker Ministries is available to do just that, and has trained hundreds of “wise” Christians around the U.S. (and the world) to resolve disputes between believers. It’s too bad these guys didn’t all pray harder about how to resolve this privately and keep it out of court altogether.

By abfifer | Posted in Christian Lawsuits | Comments Off on Christians Take Another Dispute to Court

Peacemaking Court

November 5, 2013 – 4:14 pm

Michigan is going to have a “Peacemaking Court.” Washtenaw County Circuit Judge Timothy Connors has received a grant from the Michigan Supreme Court to establish a Peacemaking Court in Ann Arbor. I’m especially heartened that my colleague Susan Butterwick will be leading this innovative project—she has the right experience and perspective to make it work well.

The court will be modeled on Native American tribal court traditions, which value “four Rs: respect, responsibility, relationship and restoration.” There’s apparently only one other such court in the U.S., in Brooklyn.

While “peacemaking court” sounds like an oxymoron, this concept is a move in the right direction. The adversarial system may be effective in ferreting out truth in some cases, but it can also destroy any possibility of reconciliation and restoration, thus causing a chain-reaction of ongoing conflict. It will be interesting to see how this court brings peace to conflicts in ways that traditional courts cannot.

By abfifer | Posted in Uncategorized | Comments Off on Peacemaking Court

Kwame Kilpatrick Apologizes

October 30, 2013 – 8:55 pm

It’s instructive to analyze public apologies, and we had another chance a couple weeks ago at the sentencing of Kwame Kilpatrick, former Mayor of Detroit, who was found guilty by a federal jury in March of corruption, receiving bribes, failure to report income to the IRS, etc.

Mr. Kilpatrick apparently had quite a bit to say at the hearing, held October 11, 2013, before he was sentenced to serve 28 years in prison. Here are some excerpts:
“I want the city to heal. I want the city to prosper. I want the city to be great again. I’ve been a tremendous problem in getting that to happen… I’m ready to go, so the city can move on. The pressure of this job—and I’ve watched it eat up man after man—is enormous. It was this pride, yes, and this ego that took over… I tried to wear that on my sleeves. I really, really, really messed up with that… The people here are suffering. They’re hurting and I accept full responsibility for it.”

This is a pretty good apology. He seems to recognize the depth of his wrongdoing, and the effect that his actions had on so many others. He offers an explanation—job pressures, his ego—without making it an excuse. He seems willing to accept the consequence, that he needs to “go” so the city can heal.  He doesn’t “admit specifically” what he did wrong, one of the elements of Peacemaker Ministries’ “7 A’s of Confession,” nor does he ask for forgiveness (he says that his family has forgiven him, but he doesn’t ask his constituents for forgiveness). And, since he’s been sentenced for previous crimes, perhaps he’s said all of this before.

Today’s news that he’s appealing his sentence suggests maybe he still isn’t quite sorry enough.

By abfifer | Posted in Apologies | Comments Off on Kwame Kilpatrick Apologizes