Guns in Mediation

The nightmare that mediators have long dreaded has come true: a mediation party pulled out a gun this week and shot the other party at the close of a mediation. The parties had a contract dispute, and the plaintiff, a man named Arthur Harmon, had sued the defendant, Steven Singer, for $17,000. The mediation took place at the court-appointed mediator’s law firm in Phoenix; the plaintiff was not represented, but the defendant was. At some point the plaintiff reportedly said he needed to go get something from his car; after a prolonged wait, the others assumed he was not coming back. The defendant and his attorney, Mark Hummels, headed downstairs and were in the lobby when the plaintiff appeared and shot them both. The defendant was killed instantly, his attorney died later, and another bystander was injured. The shooter escaped in his car, and subsequently was found several miles away, dead in his car of a gunshot wound.

Mediations are stressful. The parties are by definition in high conflict—if not, they wouldn’t need a mediator’s help to resolve their dispute. Mediators have many techniques to reduce tension, but most of us have stories of a party who was overwhelmed by the stress, such that the mediation could not continue. In America, people who feel stressed often turn to guns, so mediators have long worried about how to prevent a party from bringing in—or using—a weapon in mediation.

One option is to screen parties ahead of time for the presence of domestic violence. This is standard protocol for divorce and domestic relations cases, but virtually unheard of in a business case. Michigan’s new Mediator Standards of Conduct recommend that efforts be made “throughout the mediation process to screen for the presence of an impediment that would make mediation physically…unsafe for any participant.” (Standard VI.A.) In other words, the mediator should be on alert for any hint that a party is getting angry enough to physically harm the other party—or the mediator. However, in this case, the angry party left—which is an acceptable option for someone who can’t restrain their emotions. Whether the mediator could have detected that this party was angry enough to return and shoot the other party is hard to imagine.

Another option is to hold the mediation in a facility with a metal detector, e.g., a courthouse. This is standard practice in Michigan when mediating cases where one party has taken out a personal protection order against the other party. One of my colleagues has mediated two family probate cases recently where she learned about gun concerns during pre-mediation conversations with the parties, and as a result opted to hold the mediations in local courthouses.

It’s impractical to hold all mediations in courthouses, so which ones are “safe enough” to hold in an attorney’s office? The Phoenix case was a simple business case and didn’t involve a large sum of money. According to court records, the defendant had hired the plaintiff to refurbish and move office furniture at the defendant’s business, but not all of the work was completed, so the defendant paid only $30,000 of the $47,000 contract, and the plaintiff sued for the balance. There is no indication that the parties had any relationship other than this contractual one. If there was ever a case that would not require pre-mediation violence screening, or extra security precautions, this was it.

We also don’t want to err on the other side, and call the police or end the mediation every time a mediation party expresses outrage. So, in the end, we cannot prevent tragedies like this. We can be more vigilant, and more aware of our options, but what this story reminds me is that the best thing I can do as a mediator is pray.

Learning About Mediation from Being a Participant

I had a unique mediation opportunity to last week: I was a participant (defense attorney) in a mediation. Here are eight things I learned about mediation:

1. It can be useful for the mediator to meet with the attorneys just before the start of the mediation. This gave the mediator an opportunity to hear each attorney’s argument, and hoped-for outcome. As a mediator, I may meet with the attorneys together, apart from their clients, at some point during the mediation, but I rarely meet together with all attorneys prior to the mediation. In this case, I had never met or spoken with opposing counsel (my discussions had all been with his partner) so it was helpful to meet him beforehand.

2. The mediator’s personal stories can be very helpful. In keeping with neutrality, it’s generally not advisable for the mediator to describe personal experiences related to the topics at hand, so I rarely do when I mediate. But our mediator shared a couple family stories, as well as a couple litigation stories, that were timely and on-point. Since the parties in our case were strangers, this humanized the process for all of us.

3. It made me anxious when the mediator began asking questions of my client in joint session. As a mediator, I usually ask the attorney’s permission before questioning their client, and our mediator did too—but I was still on edge, worried that my client would inadvertently undermine our mediation strategy, or cave in altogether. My take-away from this as a mediator is to be cautious about going too far with client questions during the joint session, be certain that these questions need to be answered in joint session rather than in caucus, and to be on high alert for cues from the attorney regarding the limit.

4. As an attorney, I really wanted to hear our mediator’s opinion about the strength of our case, since he’s a seasoned litigator. In the facilitative model of mediation, the mediator eschews any party attempts to get the mediator to share a personal opinion regarding the outcome of the mediation. In this case, I knew that our mediator had more experience in the subject-matter of our case than I did, and I truly wanted to hear his opinion – and he was not shy in offering it, which I found affirming.

5. The mediator needs to help each side negotiate. I already know this, but I sensed it in a different way as an advocate. In caucus, I asked the mediator to see if he could get the plaintiff to lower their price, but I didn’t provide a reason for them to do so. The mediator came back with a lower figure, tied to an apology from the defendant. I agreed, but I was also chagrined, because I’m a big proponent of apology in mediation—I train and teach about it all the time, and yet here it never crossed my mind!

6. Commend people for their good work. When the mediator commended the attorneys at the end of the mediation, for arguing strongly but never personally, it felt good. I like to commend everyone at the end of the mediation for cooperating and treating one another well, but I don’t always remember; now that I know how good it feels to hear that, I will make an extra effort to include this in my mediations.

7. The mediator needs to remember stuff the attorneys forget. None of us thought to talk about what should happen with the lawsuit because we were focused on other details of the agreement. It was only after the agreement was signed and copied that opposing counsel mentioned the lawsuit. I wish the mediator had raised this topic while we were negotiating other agreement terms.

8. Take the time necessary to draft a good agreement. We were rushed at the end, due to an agreed-to deadline, so the mediator drafted the agreement while the attorneys were still negotiating the details. The mediator included a provision obligating my client to do something that we had discussed, but that is legally unenforceable. I chose not to make an issue of it, which would have delayed the process, but in retrospect I should’ve spoken up.

What made this mediation especially interesting is that I “trained” this mediator, meaning that he went through our 40-hour course, even though he already knew how to mediate. He definitely did not follow our training model–and he did a great job.

Forgive Your Daughter’s Murderer?

Forgiveness intrigues and intimidates me. I have trouble forgiving the clerk who charged me for a double latte when I got just a single, so the thought of forgiving someone who has committed a crime is intimidating. Jesus warned his followers that, if they didn’t forgive others’ offenses, God would not forgive them their own offenses (Matthew 6:15). So we keep working on forgiving, and I am inspired by stories of forgiveness.

One such story was reported in the New York Times this week. (Can Forgiveness Play a Role in Criminal Justice?) Parents of a young woman forgave the man who murdered their daughter, through a “restorative justice” process where the murderer—the daughter’s boyfriend—met together with the victim’s parents, his own parents, the lawyers and a facilitator. Each described the impact from their perspective, and then offered what they thought the consequence should be. I have received training in restorative justice, and have facilitated a few such conferences, but only where the crime was petty—shoplifting, or vandalism. It’s quite rare for it to involve a personal crime, and even more rare for the crime to be murder.

An Episcopal priest who works as a prison chaplain is the one who suggested the restorative justice process to this family. Although the parents are Catholic, it sounds like the facilitator they selected did not integrate spiritual principles into the process. I agree with one of the article’s commenters, who expressed surprise that the family searched for a “national expert” in restorative justice but overlooked Howard Zehr—and Mark Umbreit. Both of these men have been national leaders in this field for decades, and, unlike the facilitator selected, have experience with restorative justice involving murder.

The results were mixed, but it sounds like the parents are glad that they went through this process. “When people can’t forgive, they’re stuck,” said the mother, Kate Grosmaire. “All they can feel is the emotion surrounding that moment. I can be sad, but I don’t have to stay stuck in that moment where this awful thing happened. Because if I do, I may never come out of it. Forgiveness was for me self-preservation.”

Michigan’s New Mediator Standards of Conduct Approved

After three years and several iterations, the new Standards of Conduct for Mediators have been approved by Michigan’s State Court Administrator, and will go into effect February 1, 2013. I’ve been involved with this project from the beginning, and it’s been an interesting ride. I blogged about it in November 2011, and again in May 2012.

What may be unique about these Standards is that they are designed intentionally to address all types of mediation, from general civil to domestic relations to probate. The model standards of conduct promoted by national organizations apply either to general civil mediations, or to domestic relations mediations, so we attempted to merge them into one set. Other state standards tend to lean towards one side or the other (see, e.g., Maryland’s Standards of Conduct for Mediators, virtually identical to the ABA/ACR/AAA model standards, which do not address family mediation issues. Florida’s standards address the spectrum of mediation, but, as they have not been revised since 2000, they do not reflect revisions to model standards.

The most obvious change from the previous version circulated a year ago— and from Michigan’s current standards, and from the Model Standards, on which Michigan’s are based — is that this set contains an additional category, simply entitled, “Safety.” We tried to follow the category headings used in the civil Model Standards, but the standard entitled, “Quality of the Process” became too unwieldy. So we created a new category to contain principles applying to mediations where the safety of a party, or of a person affected by the mediation, could be a concern. The “Safety” category will apply typically to domestic relations mediations, but could also come into play in guardianship and other family mediations. As we worked on this Standard, I learned a lot from fellow committee member Mary Lovik, who works for the DHS and is an expert on the problem of domestic violence. Mary’s familiarity with the federal d.v. statute allowed us to incorporate some of its language into this standard—another ground-breaking feature of these Standards of Conduct.

Substantively, these standards do not depart significantly from the current Standards. They provide more specific guidance to the wide array of problems that can arise in the course of mediation, and they coordinate with other state mediation resources, such as the new court rule on Confidentiality, MCR 2.412, and the Domestic Violence Screening Protocol.

The four of us who comprised the sub-committee that worked most closely on these Standards—Zena Zumeta, Susan Butterwick, Barbara Johannessen and I—will be presenting on these Standards at the ABA’s Section on Dispute Resolution Annual Conference in Chicago this spring. We’re interested to hear others’ reactions to this new approach to Standards of Conduct for Mediators.

“Let Peace Begin With Me”

Let there be peace on earth—and let it begin with me. I attended a Unity church service yesterday, where we closed the service by standing in a circle holding hands and singing that song. I’d like to close—or maybe open—every Peacemaker seminar with that. We all decry the lack of “peace on earth” but we blame it on others. It’s so obvious how other people are preventing peace on earth. But Jesus called us hypocrites for spotlighting others’ faults while neglecting our own. This song reminds us to “begin with me.”

The author of those lyrics, Jill Jackson Miller, had a troubled childhood after her mother died when she was 3, moving from one foster home to another, and never felt loved. After her husband divorced her, she tried to commit suicide, but when she didn’t succeed, she says, “I knew for the first time unconditional love–which God is. God is unconditional love. You are totally loved, totally accepted, just the way you are. In that moment I was not allowed to die, and something happened to me which is very difficult to explain. I had an eternal moment of truth, in which I knew I was loved, and knew I was here for a purpose.” Jill and her second husband, Sy Miller, wrote this song in 1955 after being inspired by a message that peace, to become a manifest reality, must be in the heart of each individual.

As we enter the Christmas season, we will hear many songs, and send many cards, that speak of “peace on earth.” I want to silently add, “and let it begin with me.” Even though I teach peacemaking—or perhaps because I teach peacemaking—I keep encountering situations where I choose whether to “let peace begin with me,” by taking responsibility for my wrongdoing, by overlooking minor offenses, by reaching out in love. Ken Sande’s book, The Peacemaker, is all about how to “let peace begin with me,” and each time I teach its principles, I’m reminded of my obligation to be a peacemaker–and of how difficult that is, apart from the power of Christ at work within me.

May we all focus on our own responsibility to “let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me.”