Apology is Better Without “Any”

Public apologies are hard to do well. Just ask the leaders of the University of Michigan. With reports about sexual misconduct from a former sports doctor going public last week, U of M President Mark Schlissel issued an apology to “anyone” who was harmed by Dr. Anderson, according to a Detroit News report. What if he had apologized to “everyone” harmed, instead of “anyone” harmed? Use of the word “any” in an apology is risky; it may protect against admission of responsibility, but it also undermines sincerity.

So this week, President Schlissel and the Board of Regents issued another statement. It begins, “We are sorry for the pain caused by the failures of our beloved University.” No equivocating here; the University acknowledges that it failed, and pain resulted. Imagine how much weaker this statement would sound if it had said, “We are sorry for any pain…” or, “…caused by any failures…”

U of M still has a big mess on its hands, but at least it’s improving its apologies. (Full disclosure: I am an alumna.)

Quit While You’re Ahead

Mediation is facilitated negotiation, so it’s good for mediators to pay attention to what happens in negotiation. I had two recent experiences that reminded me of a key negotiation principle, “quit while you’re ahead.”

In one case, I hadn’t gotten points in my airlines reward program. I made my case over the phone for why I thought I was entitled to the points; the agent said she’d give me the points. But then, I kept explaining why I felt I deserved it. It finally dawned on me: once the other party agrees to your demand, thank them, and stop!

In another situation, I was negotiating with a hotel for the “returning guest” 10% discount, which had been promised but didn’t show up on my bill. Finally the manager agreed to give me the discount. I thanked him – but instead of stopping there, I decided to push further and see if I could get him to delete another fee on my bill as well. His response: “It sounds like you have other concerns besides the discount, so you’ll need to talk with the senior manager.” That was the wake-up call I needed: I had accomplished my goal of getting the 10% discount. By trying to negotiate further, I had gotten greedy, and it would’ve probably been a waste of time. Quit while you’re ahead.

Baseball Players Apologize

Several Major League baseball players apologized today for what’s been called the “sign-stealing scandal.” Members of the Houston Astros team were caught impermissibly intercepting signals exchanged between members of their opposing teams. But you wouldn’t know that from their vague apologies. None of them specifically explain what they did that was wrong, or for what they are apologizing. They ask for forgiveness, but exactly what should be forgiven? One is left with the impression that they’re sorry because they got caught. It’s a good first step–it needs to happen–but so far they’re striking out.

Safety Screening May Have Helped

The Michigan Court of Appeals just reviewed yet another divorce mediation where the wife claimed that she was “coerced” by her attorney and by the mediator to agree. The Court, in a 2-1 decision, affirmed the divorce agreement in Pohlman v Pohlman, unpublished opinion of the Court of Appeals, issued January 30, 2020 (Docket No. 344121).

But one wonders whether the mediator could have done anything to prevent a result that left one party to the mediation so unhappy.

One of the wife’s post-mediation complaints is that the mediator never did the domestic violence screening required by MCL 600.1035(2) and MCR 3.216(H)(2) before every divorce mediation. The majority ruled that this violation was not enough to set aside the divorce judgment.  The dissent questioned how the law will be enforced if mediated agreements are upheld despite the violation of the law.

Leaving aside the question of how to “punish” mediators who violate this law, it turns out that good mediators screen for reasons beyond safety — and beyond the fact that they’re legally obligated to screen. Mediators who conduct screening as a regular course of their practice will tell you that it helps them to build trust with each party, and to learn all kinds of helpful information that enhances the mediation.  Had the mediator in this case had that screening conversation with each party, even if it turned out that there were no domestic violence concerns (an open question), the mediator would likely have learned about the wife’s mental health challenges, and worked with her and her attorney to develop strategies to accommodate them in the mediation. Instead, this mediator did not speak with the wife until the day of the mediation, and then only briefly at the beginning of the mediation. A lost opportunity.

The wife also argued that she “signed the settlement terms sheet under duress because she was tired and hungry during the 6.5 hour mediation process, and she was pressured by the mediator and her attorney to sign the settlement.” This sounds way too similar to Vittiglio v Vittiglio, 297 Mich App 391; 824 NW2d 591 (2012), another divorce mediation where the wife afterwards sought to set aside the mediated agreement. See also, Nowak v Nowak, unpublished opinion of the Court of Appeals, issued August 23, 2018 (Docket No. 339541). In all these cases, the wife apparently felt that both her attorney and the mediator abandoned her in her hour of need. Divorce is stressful, and divorce mediation is stressful, so maybe there’s nothing the mediators in these cases could have done to help these distraught wives. But these mediations only spawned more litigation, and the unpleasant experiences of these mediation parties give a bad name to the profession.

Complying with the screening law is not just a way to ferret out cases inappropriate for mediation; it’s a way to conduct a better mediation – one that is less likely to be challenged in the Court of Appeals.

Mediating a Denominational Division

The United Methodists are dividing, and have used a mediator to help them.

Sometimes mediation is used to bring people together, mend fences and repair relationships (e.g., employment disputes). But other times it’s used to help people part ways as amicably as possible, most notably in divorce cases. The split within the United Methodist Church (UMC) is akin to a divorce.

The United Methodists have been wrestling for years over whether to permit LGBTQ individuals to marry and be ordained. After a majority voted last summer to adopt a more conservative stance on the issue, it became clear that all UMC churches could no longer cooperate within the same denomination. But, as in a divorce, the decision to split opens the door to a host of difficult decisions, both financial and emotional. So an international group of Methodist bishops and other church leaders invited Ken Feinberg to mediate.

Mr. Feinberg has mediated a number of high-profile cases in the U.S., including distribution of the 9-11 funds and Catholic priest sex abuse cases. I blogged about him last year, after I heard Michael Lewis’ interview with him.

It does seem a bit ironic that the Methodists selected a Jewish mediator and not a Christian mediator who might be more sympathetic with their core beliefs. Since the main issues in this case involved process and property, they decided that his experience was more important than his religion.  A lawyer, he was assisted by two lawyers from Kirkland & Ellis, Rick Godfrey, who is United Methodist, and Wendy Bloom, a litigator who too is Jewish. By all accounts, the participants were pleased with their mediators. And the mediators benefited too: Ms. Bloom said that, when discussions got difficult, someone would call for prayer, and one of the bishops would pray. “I’ve never encountered pauses for prayer before in mediation, and it really did work. These prayers were inspiring and re-focused everyone on the task at hand.”

Mr. Feinberg told an interviewer that one essential requirement for the mediation was to ensure that the right people were at the table—that all constituencies were represented, and that the representatives truly spoke for, and could “deliver” an agreement. Another was to maintain confidentiality. He saw the three main issues as re-structuring, governance, and financial issues.

The proposal arrived at through mediation, called the Protocol of Reconciliation & Grace Through Separation, must be approved at this year’s General Conference in May. In another irony of this process, the traditionalist majority is the one that’s leaving to form a new denomination, while the minority gets to retain the name. When asked about that, Mr. Feinberg said simply, “That was a decision that was reached by everybody around the table. It became apparent that that would be the result.”