2023 Nanci Klein Award from the ADR Section

October 26, 2023 – 4:57 pm

I was honored this week to receive the Nanci S. Klein Award from the ADR Section of the State Bar of Michigan. Nanci Klein was an early ADR leader in Michigan who devoted her considerable talents to the Community Dispute Resolution Program (CDRP), including leading Michigan’s largest CDRP provider, the Oakland Mediation Center, for ten years. Like me, Nanci was an attorney who chose mediation over litigation, and our terms on the ADR Section Council overlapped. Nanci was taken from us abruptly, all too soon, so the ADR Section established this award in her honor, to be given “in recognition of exemplary programs, initiatives, and leaders in the field of community dispute resolution.”

As I explained in my acceptance speech at the Awards Banquet Tuesday night, the CDRP filled a gap for me. I had been doing mediation through the Christian Conciliation Service in the 1980s, but we lacked a process or structure for managing the mediation. Our CDRP grant required that we get trained in mediation, and when I learned the six-step mediation process, I realized how useful it could be, both for Christian mediations and beyond. Then, in the early 1990s, the CDRP offered opportunities to learn how to train others in mediation, launching my mediation training efforts. I have had the pleasure of leading mediation training, both basic and advanced, for CDRP Centers around the state, and have served on the board, on committees, and as a volunteer mediator for our local CDRP Center, the Dispute Resolution Center of West Michigan. So, for over three decades I have been involved with Michigan’s CDRP, and plan to continue. I am grateful to the Section for this honor, which was made even more special because my good friend and colleague Shel Stark received the Distinguished Service Award at the same event; he is next to me in the photo below.

 

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Meeting Missouri Mediators

October 16, 2023 – 4:48 pm

The Association of Missouri Mediators graciously welcomed me last month as one of the speakers for a day of advanced mediation training. I taught a session on Apologies in Mediation, and also conducted the “Ethics Game.” The training was a hybrid of people in person as well as on Zoom. I thoroughly enjoyed my experience and am grateful to Kathleen Bird and all the fine mediators in Missouri!

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SBC CEO Candidate Apologizes

August 21, 2023 – 4:31 pm

A finalist to head the Southern Baptist Convention included an apology in his resignation last week. Willie McLaurin, the interim president and CEO of the SBC Executive Committee, admitted that he had falsified his resume, and had not graduated from any of the institutions listed.

In his resignation letter, submitted to the SBC Executive Committee, he said in part:

“In a recent resume that I submitted, it included schools that I did not attend or complete the course of study… To the Southern Baptists who have placed their confidence in me and have encouraged me to pursue the role of President & CEO of the SBC Executive Committee, including pastors, state partners, entity servants, colleagues, and SBC African American friends, I offer my deepest apologies. Please forgive me for the harm or hurt that this has caused.”

If this is the sum total of the apology – and it may well not be –, it’s deficient.

Responsibility: For what is he apologizing? He reportedly admitted his wrong when confronted by the Executive Committee, but it’s not clear here that he’s apologizing for lying.

Remorse: “my deepest apologies” sounds weak somehow. Why is it plural? “deeply sorry” would sound more sincere.

Reform: A good apology includes a description of how the offender intends to alter behavior and avoid the offense in the future.

Impact: While he acknowledges that this caused “harm or hurt,” he doesn’t acknowledge exactly how – e.g., that it set back the SBC months in its search for a new CEO, and has shaken the already-shaken faith of many Southern Baptists who trusted him. Not sure why you need both “harm” and “hurt,” and if you’re going to keep both, wouldn’t it be better to link them with an “and” instead of an “or”?

To his credit, he didn’t try to justify himself or offer an explanation. But the weakness of this apology leaves us wondering whether he truly is sorry, and whether he fully understands the consequences to others of his wrongdoing. Let’s hope this isn’t the full apology, or that there’s more to come.

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Schembechler Apology Falls a Little Short

May 25, 2023 – 7:57 pm

Only three days after he was hired, Glenn Schembechler resigned Saturday as assistant director of recruiting for the University of Michigan football team. Football fans discovered and were appalled by some of Mr. Schembechler’s “likes” and re-tweets on his Twitter account, including racist posts as well as support of the January 6, 2021, invasion of the Capitol.

In one portion of his apology statement, Mr. Schembechler said, “My sincerest apologies, again and profusely, to anyone that I have offended …”

Although the statement was issued through a public relations firm, it misses one of the cardinal elements of a good apology: take responsibility. The phrase, “to anyone I’ve offended” sounds too much like, “You shouldn’t have been offended, and if you were, it’s your problem.” It implies that he doesn’t know whether he offended anyone – but the storm of fans complaining about his social media posts indicates there were plenty of people who were “offended.” Why not substitute “everyone” for “anyone”?  Or better yet, “I realize that my comments were offensive and have hurt many.”

Pointing out that “we have all made mistakes” also doesn’t have a place in a sincere apology. That’s for his listeners to note, not him.

Other parts of his apology were good, including the straight-up admission, “I was wrong.”

Which all goes to show, once again, that it’s tough to make a good public apology.

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Church Settles Dispute Through Courts

May 18, 2023 – 4:28 pm

The Evangel Church in Detroit had a dispute about its governance. Some leaders determined that the pastor should be selected by the board of elders, and then the pastor would select the members board of elders. But the church members contended that they had always had voting rights.

This is not an uncommon debate in Protestant churches. Instead of resolving their dispute “within the church,” they brought their dispute to the civil courts – the Wayne County Circuit Court. The trial court found in favor of the members, based on the church’s organizing documents, so the church leaders appealed to the Michigan Court of Appeals, and lost again.

Evangel Church estimated its legal costs at $50,000. The church chose the most public, expensive process to resolve its dispute. And it’s likely that, while the legal issue may be resolved, the damage to relationships will last a long time. Perhaps they tried some kind of private mediation process that didn’t succeed, or sought wise counsel from leaders of other churches that went unheeded. But, failing that, they could have proceeded to a church arbitration, where all parties agree in advance to be bound by the decision. That would’ve kept it private, and likely would not have cost so much. There are several national peacemaking organizations that offer this service –Googling “Christian arbitration” yields many options.

May God bring healing to all involved.

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